There are days which call to the soul, questioning the measure, generating a sense of wonder, of looking askance at the living of life to ascertain whether we are fulfilled, happy, and receiving joy.
Today was such a day for me. I think it had something to do with the weather over the weekend which changed today into one of our first true fall days. That, likely coupled with the time spent in conference sessions. Conference is one of those times when I do a lot of self-evaluation against the metrics put forth by the Lord's chosen.
I've found myself more introspective than usual. It's happening more and more lately. La Reine has observed a veritable multiplicity of times over the past few months that I am "in a funk." Mid-life crisis? Nah. Am I planning on walking away from it all? Nah. I suspect that I'm simply being a tad bit selfish and doing a lot of "I wish..."es. But it's just as likely that I'm being prompted to evaluate and make necessary course corrections in order to better align myself to the things I should be doing. This doesn't mean though that I'm unhappy, in fact, it's quite the opposite, and simply likely that I'm paying more attention to the process as I get older I think.
I do know that I'm subtly unhappy at work. I've blogged about that before. That's one of those “I wish...” items. I wish that I were teaching history and literature somewhere rather than playing politics with a bunch of engineers. It gets awfully tiresome being the bad guy enforcer. I've had a few calls about jobs which sound awfully nice over the past few weeks, but they'd all involve either a) tons of travel or b) relocating to another state. I'm simply unwilling to do either. I keep hoping that something local will come up eventually. I remain sure that it will if it should.
My family is gloriously wonderful. This is what it's all about for sure. The I love yous, the games and play, the hugs and kisses, the prayers – all of it is truly grand. In that same vein, my friends are also a true joy to be around. These are the things which build and strengthen the soul.
Pardon the rambling, and thanks for reading.
- jake
6 comments:
I wish we were all teaching history and literature somewhere.
Truly.
No need to excuse the rambling (if it truly was that). Not to be unexpected from jakerambles.blogspot.com
Good luck with the work thing. I used to worry because my job does not pay me what I'm worth or anything equivalent for the work I do. But after much contemplation I realized I couldn't put a price on how much I enjoy what I do, how much I love the team I supervise, how close my job is to my home and the little bit of flexibility I have. I have since grown more content.
Ask for it and you will find what you're looking for.
Best wishes...
Compulsive - as always, thanks for your wonderful insightful comments.
You mean to tell me I've been saving the lots on either side of me for a year, for nothing? What better place to have your boys play football than Texas? Did I mention that lots are like under $20,000. Teachers are paid more in Texas than Utah....:-)
There's nothing wrong with "wish.."es every now and then! It's not selfish to want to do things that make you happy. When you're happy, everyone around you is happy. I know how hard it is to find the "right" job. Be patient, and it will happen. Just know that,in your case, your job as the "bad guy enforcer" doesn't define who YOU are. When we all think of you, that's the farthest thing that comes to mind! Good luck! :)
I lovin the blog jake, just lovin it.
Lyle - Somehow it slipped my mind you'd been saving those lots. Lubbock? I'd like to think not, but then again - there is the football to consider.
~cari~ - It's the fact that I'm so good at being the bad guy enforcer which has be a tad worried.
davey - Good point. To heck with everyone else, I'm quitting my job and moving to costa rica.
Hey... Jude - I lovin it too. But shouldn't that be "lovin'"?
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